New Star Soccer 1.5 details released: Agents, ladies, and the inexorable erosion of time

Grape nuts.

New feature: hit a ball with your face.

New Star Soccer (currently being considered for designation as a Class A drug in the United Kingdom) is getting a major update in September. We first talked with NSS creator Simon Read about the new features just last month, but today we’re seeing the full breadth of changes for the first time.

The brilliant iOS and Android football career simulator is adding off the pitch personnel like agents and physios, the option to play as a female footballer, an entirely new pre-match setup screen, the ability to dictate your team’s tactics from the pitch, headers, and time itself. It used to be that your player only grew in ability and could play in his prime forever — NSS 1.5 will add aging, which cuts into your player’s skills as the years go by, giving you a reason to retire instead of continuing to collect FA Cup trophies at an age where most people are collecting Thomas Kinkade paintings.

There’s so much stuff in here I think most of us would have forgiven Si for just plugging it all into New Star Soccer 2, but it’s a free update. More screenshots are after the jump. Maybe Read will consider adding a team name abbreviation decipherer in the next one — after accepting a transfer to Turkey I have no idea who I’m playing for in my current game.

Luck be a lady.

Channel your inner Mia Hamm.

Truly.

Somewhere, a guy is looking at this screenshot and wondering if the different balls have different stats.

I can make it legal.

Better call Saul.

This hovercraft is full of eels.

Oh those footballers and their hovercraft.