I would have thought the Yom Kippur war would be ideal for wargaming - surprise attack giving the Arab side the advantage in the earlier stages, countered later by Israeli mobilisation and US resupply - it could make a well balanced game to play from either side.
I agree though that the plight of civilians in wars is something that gaming sweeps under the carpet. It's hard to see how to make anything entertaining out of it without going down the route of post-apocalyptic survival games like State of Decay or I am Alive. Some sort of crisis management game might do it, but it would risk losing the human aspect. The games discussed above seem more like they are trying to make a point rather than entertain the player.