I’ve been sick my whole life. For the first 22 years, I didn’t realize just how sick I was. That is, until I started working in healthcare and discovered that it wasn’t normal to be in pain 24/7 (among other unpleasant symptoms). Honestly, it was almost a relief to find out that not everyone felt this way, and that I wasn’t simply weak, lazy, or a hypochondriac, even if it meant that I’d be dealing with this for the rest of my life.
However, despite multiple diagnoses and a myriad of medications, I, like many other disabled people, still feel a sense of mourning for the life I could’ve had if I were healthy, even though I’m incredibly grateful to be in the position that I am. I’ve spent my 20s trying to find a place for myself, often fighting myself as I try not to “let my body win” – as though my ‘body’ and my ‘self’ are two separate entities.
Luckily, there’s one thing that has always remained a constant in my life, no matter what peaks or dips my chronic illnesses bring: gaming. Gaming introduced me to my wonderful life partner, and I’ve been with him ever since (ten years and counting!). My love for gaming is what secured me this job – a remote job that I both love and can excel in, despite previously believing that I’d be unable to keep up with a “normal” working life.
Above all, my love for gaming is what has consistently, throughout the good and the bad, provided me with the escapism I needed. It offers me the opportunity to live the life I dreamed I would but can’t, to meet new people (both virtual and real), explore distant lands, and conquer all sorts of trials, even when I’m stuck in bed with yet another flare-up. And, with the rise of portable gaming consoles, from gaming phones and tablets to the Nintendo Switch and the Steam Deck, this is more true now than ever.
Hoyoverse alone has provided us with some of the best mobile games in the past few years. Genshin Impact, Honkai Star Rail, and Zenless Zone Zero are all huge games that are constantly expanding through new updates, events, and characters every few weeks.
From the music to the excitement of a fresh nation or planet to explore, the fact that such enveloping experiences are now available in the palm of your hand is frankly wild to me, especially having grown up in an era where mobile phones looked like grey bricks and ‘mobile gaming’ was just playing Snake. Now, the ever-expanding Genshin Impact map has become my home away from home, allowing me to escape any time, any place – including when I’m curled up on the couch or sitting in the waiting room at the hospital or pharmacy.
Then there’s the recent rush of cozy games, which have been inviting people from all walks of life to discover the wonders of gaming (some for the very first time). Games like Disney Dreamlight Valley, Hello Kitty Island Adventure, and Infinity Nikki are adorable, low-stakes experiences that can soothe anxiety while still keeping you busy during difficult or stressful moments, and even have room for self-expression through features like customizable clothing and decorating.
In fact, Infinity Nikki in particular has become a brilliant outlet for me to dress up my character in outfits I’d never have the confidence or opportunity to wear out in the real world, and I love it.
The Nintendo Switch has also been a big game-changer in this respect. Despite its aging hardware and limitations in the current generation, the flexibility of it transforming from a home console to a lightweight handheld is invaluable when your health conditions are flaring up. Plus, the ability to remove the Joy-Cons or hook up a controller even in handheld mode allows me to curl up in any position that feels comfortable and play the day away.
But, despite my love for mobile and Switch, I can’t lie – I’m a PC gamer at heart. I have a couple of hundred PC games on my Steam account, and I’m always on the hunt for new ones to add to my ever-growing library. So, naturally, I was overjoyed when the surprisingly powerful Steam Deck arrived on the scene.
Even on days when sitting up at my desk feels like too much, I can dive into most of my favorite games and pick up where I left off on PC. Be it riding a dolphin to an island getaway in Like A Dragon: Infinite Wealth, tracking a tobi-kadachi in Monster Hunter: World, or playing through the Resident Evil games for the hundredth time, the breadth of experiences that I can enjoy even on my worst health days has made managing things so much easier. With a mountain of pillows and a foldable phone stand for support, nothing can stop me (I highly recommend the Lamicall cell phone stand below – it folds up really small and offers enough support to take the strain off your wrists during long gaming sessions).
Plus, thanks to the dizzying amount of titles available on Steam, from heavy-hitting AAA’s to the best indie games you didn’t know you needed in your life, the Steam Deck and other handheld PCs have opened up the world of portable gaming beyond what I previously thought possible. And, of course, those delightful Steam sales make padding out your library more affordable than ever.
Even outside of gaming, handheld devices have been a great boon to me over the past few years. My iPad, a stylus (like my Adonit Note+ 2 or Apple Pencil 2nd Gen), and Procreate have helped me get back into art, which I had previously given up on (I actually painted the picture of the girl with the cat at the top of this page!). My phone allows me to read books, watch movies and TV shows, and even order my medication without having to sit up.
And I know I’m not alone – whether it’s due to mental or physical health, having access to all these digital tools has become an integral part of providing disabled people with a sense of independence and allowing us to pursue hobbies and interests that may have otherwise been out of reach.
I feel a lot of people realized the importance of escapism in gaming during the dark years of the COVID-19 pandemic (may we never forget the colossal impact Animal Crossing: New Horizons had on the collective consciousness at that time). But for those of us who still live in a form of lockdown due to our health, the world of handheld gaming will never lose its significance.
As I’ve previously discussed in my interview with Christina Costello (a fellow disabled creator and voice actor of Genshin Impact’s Collei), there’s still a long way to go toward representation and accessibility in gaming. But, with technology continuing to progress and bringing more and more worlds to the palms of our hands, I’m happy to take solace in the comfort and escapism that portable gaming can provide. Now, let’s just hope that the Nintendo Switch 2 lives up to the hype, hm?