Robbie Williams’ music has always been part of the woodwork in my household, whether it was getting picked up from school while Bodies blasted through my mum’s car speakers or my brother traumatizing me with the Rock DJ music video when I was far too young. Better Man reels through the pop star’s early career, exploring his inner demons and the sheer absurdity of international stardom in a brutally honest manner. Oh, and he’s depicted as a CGI monkey. However, despite how great it is – no, seriously – it overlooks this truly bizarre moment in Williams’ career.
Exposure is the name of the game for any lucrative artist, and that often includes branching into other mediums. Jeremy Renner gave us his short-lived app for all the Rennerheads out there, Katy Perry: Pop bombed faster than her latest album, and Kim Kardashian’s free mobile game waved goodbye to over 22 million players in April last year. Robbie Williams’ most interesting multimedia endeavor, to me, is Robbie Williams Racing. While this iOS and Android experience isn’t Williams’ first foray into gaming, it’s such a strange project that it easily overshadows the Nintendo Wii exclusive We Sing Robbie Williams.
Cast your minds back to 2009. Williams was positioning himself to bounce back after the divisive Rudebox, his seventh album that veered away from stadium anthems to pulsating synth-pop collaborations with the likes of the Pet Shop Boys. His follow-up album, Reality Killed The Video Star, begins a marketing blitz to tap into fresh audiences, and that includes the gamers out there. Developed by the now-defunct Artificial Life Inc., Robbie Williams Racing features a whopping two songs (two songs!) from the aforementioned album, leaderboards, different vehicles, and even commentary from the cheeky monkey himself.
If that wasn’t enough, just in case you hadn’t heard Bodies enough, Robbie Williams Racing packs in a total of nine remixes to really drive home that there are bodies in his chemistry, in the cemetery, and at the Bodhi Tree. However, perhaps the game’s unique selling point is its Mojave Desert setting from, yes, you guessed it, the Bodies music video. According to a description from the developer, players could also race “on a buggy track based on Robbie’s real track from his own backyard.” Whether it actually existed at the time is another matter, as there doesn’t seem to be any evidence that Williams’ racetrack was real.

Like Better Man, I’m willing to indulge in some fact manipulation, as the game’s trailer casts aside any doubts within seconds. “Hi, it’s Robbie. Welcome to my iPhone game,” Williams proclaims as editing that I can only describe as Windows Movie Maker core brings the whole thing together. Admittedly, I respect the inclusion of first-person driving, which is a creative choice.
Forget popping the fedora on in Indiana Jones and the Great Circle, I want to slip on a white vest and become Stoke-On-Trent’s finest export. A quick look at the YouTube comments sees Williams’ fans more bothered about the game’s accuracy, like that’s the least of the game’s problems, with ‘elbuccanero’ bluntly adding that “he doesn’t ride a Triumph in the [Bodies] video – it’s a Husqvarna.” Cheers mate.
I can only live vicariously through the accounts of others who witnessed this monumental moment in Williams’ life. According to a review from Softonic, Williams’ supreme in-game banter included gems like “do you fancy a pint after the race?” You know what, Robbie, I might. I’d be curious to see just how furious the game’s leaderboards were in 2009. Before ‘Facebook Mums’ reigned over Candy Crush games with an iron iPad fist, I bet Robbie Williams Racing was a bloodbath.

Sadly, and expectedly, Robbie Williams Racing is now lost to the annals of gaming history. Even with an arduous search through the internet, any chance of playing it is virtually impossible. To me, Robbie Williams Racing stands out as a goofy signpost of a gloriously charming era of gaming that has come undone over the years. I’m a sucker for a tie-in game, and I can only hope that the next pantheon of rising pop stars takes a chance on something as gleefully silly as Robbie Williams Racing. After all, he just wants to entertain you.
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